No matter where I go and what I do, the time I spent with you would always be remembered.Unknown
Welcome! This is my first blog post. Today I will write about how love has changed me and my story.
I grew up in a loving home, where my parents have showed affection to each other but also fighting about ‘everyday’ things. For me that has always been there. My parents are good role models for how love is and how it should be but in todays society there are also bad role models that has had a negative affect on me.
My story from the “battlefield of love” is short but also complex. I have experienced puppy love thru’ elementary, middle, and high school. Where I learned that the feeling of love is amazing. Puppy love is an amazing feeling because everything seems so ‘correct’. It’s like you turn a blind side to everything, but when you get distant from that kind of love you realize, that, it was nice, but you never felt completed nor whole as a person.
When I studied for my bachelor, I was never in a relationship. I downloaded “hit and run” apps like Tinder, Grindr. Etc. (I am bisexual). My experience from these apps was that … It was nice to feel the feeling of being wanted. It gives butterflies in the stomach but after 10 min swiping left and right, you get tired. You feel that this isn’t real.
When I started on my MSc and well into it, I have had my fair share of hookups. Because. Why not? That is how love is when you’re young. It was so amazing to feel the closeness. Physical love. You feel safe. Happy. After he/she went out the door, I would feel broken. Sad. Depressed.
Until now, I have given you guys a short summary of my love life so far. To say it short. I haven’t experienced love. I grow distant to the concept of love. It wasn’t for me. Nobody wanted me more than 1h of their attention. What was wrong with me?
… Then the fifth year of college and about to write my master thesis. Somebody came into my life. For simplicity this person is called Cypress. Cypress and I had a peaceful start but with rough endings. She was an international student which eventually mean that we would have to do long distance relationship. With a time different of 6h and 12h travel time to see each other. Skype was quickly downloaded for both of us to keep in touch. Cypress could make me smile all day for pouring out her heart to me.
So, me and Cypress started out. We decided to visit each other but also travel to X country to simply see each other for one weekend filled with every possible emotion you could imagine. We had ups and downs. Hell and heaven. Ying and yang. Everything.
I finally met somebody that I wanted, but also someone that wanted me. She made me feel everything. She made me feel whole, complete. That feeling. Right there. Never dissapeared from me. I still laugh and smile for myself when I think of past memories of us. She showed me how love is and how love should be. With a foundation of trust, friendship and loyalty.
I can’t say that I was the best person to her. I have been an asshole. I have. At the end of the day, I still want she to come back to me – but for her, I wish her somebody better and she will find somebody that deserves her. That person she choose, is one lucky bastard.
To answer how my experience of love has changed me, I will focus on my experience with Cypress. She changed me. She made me a better person. She broaded my viewpoints about life, she made me smarter, she thought me how love should be.
You only love once, I will never be able to recreate the feelings I had for her for anybody else. I still thank her for everything she has done for me.
Thank you for your time.