Cause I’ve hurt you so, you know your sorrow showsElvis Presley
For the 6th. blog post I will express my views on adjusting yourself for your partner without losing yourself down the road. When two people meet each other and they’re in love – at the start it’s the honeymoon phase. Everything is going smooth.
Then. Reality kicks in.. You start to have more fights. All the love you have built up until this stage is not nothing. Examples of these fights can be something as silly as putting down the toilet seat after you have peed (One for the females out there). In my perspective, these fights happens because two people have different expectations but more importantly that people are different. We are not equal human beings. We do shit differently in life. So … moving forward.
It’s already an established that to make a relationship work in the long run both people should adjust themselves. In my experience, that works quite well in the short-run but in the long-run it can cause problems ’cause you start losing yourself as an individual. Yes, you become “one” with your partner – but to make the relationship work as well, you must be able to retain yourself as an individual. Of course, the fight that I mentioned above is a silly one and isn’t “as serious” as other fights. When you start losing yourself it cause you to grow resentment towards your partner and all you do is crying, fighting..
I have been there. It’s hell on earth to say it kindly. It’s also sad because it creates much so hurt at the same time and are damaging for every three parties involved (Me, my partner, and my relationship) .. Everything looks dark and you get uncertain if this is the one person you want to settle down to .. Dark thoughts appear in the back of your head as the grass is greener on the other side. You might even start to look for a way out..
In my experience, this isn’t a quick fix. It’s work. Hard work. It take much time because 1) both need to heal from all the hurt 2) It’s a continously process where both address their issues, adjust themselves less/more to strike a balance so “we” are satisfied but also that “me” and “you” are satisfied with it.
I want to be together with you. You’re the person I chose to be my life-long partner, my baby mama, the one I want to build a house with. I want to be with you but in able to be that I need to be myself in this relationship; I am not asking for much. Just small things, my dear. I am not saying that I want another experience with others. I am not asking to be free. I am asking to be myself. The person you fall in love with. He’s currently not available. He is in there somewhere, we both know that. We see small glimpse from time to time. Help me. I need you. I love you. Don’t run away now. We have come so far. I am sorry for the hurt – you have no idea what I would do to make it up to you. I wished I could change time to stop myself from hurting us. Help me getting better so we can get better. That’s all I want. It’s in our best interests. I will do the same for you. I promise.
Sorry. I got emotional there.
In a relationship, it’s a two-way street. You “win” and you “lose” fights. You should never ever give everything away. You must held your stand. Don’t surrender for everything. Are you afraid to hurt him/her so you don’t fight back? Do you rather want to grow resentment? Of course, somethings are obvious your mistake – and the same yields for the other one. Both involved should see that from time to time. To be able to grow as “one” you both must let your guard down from time to time. My feelings on this area is everything: I have been here. Looking retroperspective I wished I did otherwise. I wished that I listened to my partner instead of raising my voice. I wish the same for her. That she listened to me.
How can we change to get back to the start? We both need to listen to each other. We shouldn’t assume XYZ about the other. We both need to realize that we need to be there for each other even when we do not want to. We both need to give each other time & “wins” from time to time. Let me go out tonite to my guys without a bad feeling in my stomach. I will give you time to work on your side-hustle. I want you to grow inside of us, not outside of us. Don’t let this beautiful thing become a haven of resentment and pain. Don’t. Darling, I beg of you.