The past blog posts have been very emotional to write and even express thoughts that I didn’t even know that I had. I guess I opened”Pandoras Box” after I started blogging.
What’s quite nice after I started blogging is that over time – I’ve felt much better within.
It feels forever that I’ve been so happy that I’ve been the two last days. I pay a big gratiude to Cypress (post 2th.) for still being with me and pushing me to do this. She has seen the improvement I think. That makes me happy. Seeing her beautiful smile … It’s everything. It’s like the first coffee cup of the day, you know, you feel MUCH better.
The last 1.5years have involved a lot of ups and downs for me. I’ve gone thru’ emotional heartbreaks, dad got a tumor, and my childhood cat have passed away. I’ve started working in an area which I personally enjoy, I’ve progressed in terms of my “fitness goals”, I’ve a loving family and friends, I managed to save 20K, and Cypress is still with me. I’ve a lot to be sad, hurt, and … Feeling just generally bad about. But as I just mentioned – I’ve a lot to be GRATEFUL(!) for. I personally often focus on the negative aspects of my life, what could be better (Which in some sense is good but also bad) and my flaws. That have weighted me down for a long period of time. I won’t call it depression. It hasn’t been that bad. Not at all. Thank God for that.
Always after a certain period of this “negative vibe” you suddently start feeling good. That happend to me yesterday. It was right after my running session and I was doing my stretches – and … “Sweet lovin'” come on the radio; and it just started me to remind me of all the good in life. A particular person crossed my mind (If you didn’t guess Cypress at this point – then I feel sorry for you). A person that has filled me up with much love and happiness .. All the memories.. Just positive. After that point, it unconsciously reminded me of all the good in my life. And I have a lot to be happy & grateful for.
Happiness comes from within but your surroundings certainly can weight you up and down. For me .. I’ve always had good surroundings – always made sure of that, but when you’re feeling low in life, nobody can help you except you. That’s how it has been for me. Yesterday (And today) my happiness have come from within. I feel good about myself. That has been a rare feeling. I see myself progressing in life and my negative feelings are gone. I feel overwhelmed with postive thoughts. It’s hard to describe the thoughts .. It’s more that I just feel good and I feel happy about ME and my progress. Along that, I am giving a shoutout to all of my friends, family, and Cypress. Thank you guys for everything. You mean the world to me – and I am sorry if I haven’t showed that to you. I am returning.
I am me. And I am damn happy.