19th – Fights in relationship and the aftermath

For the 19th I talk about me and Cypress fight, the aftermath of it but also our struggle in our relationship.

Continuing on yesterday. As the knife got stabbed into my heart, slowly twisted, and slowly relased, I felt an immense hurt.

Yesterday, me and Cypress didn’t talk at all. We still communicated, but we didn’t talk. By that I mean we fighted – and was yelling at each other. That sucks. Have you ever been there with people you love? Both are petty, fighting, and emotionally unstable – and hence when a fight breaks out, it becomes a war. It becomes about who who’s toughest and nobody want to wave with a white flag which spells “I surrender”. It’s nothing more painful to watch the one you love and care mostly about in this world being … In pain and hurt. It shatter my heart.

And when I was reaching out a hand since it was enough – we were just picking silly fights & basically just fighting about everything. I felt enough was enough, so I reached out my hand more than one time & I got slapped in the face. That made me upset, but mostly hurt. I didn’t want to continue this war of bickering. Like seriously, what it all does is creating turmoil and more hurt than it was from the start. Yes, I knew she was upset and in pain because of my actions before – I take full responsibility, but yesterday made me realize that we still have a long way to go when it comes to this part of our relationship.

Reacting out of emotions is both good and bad. It’s good because it shows how you are feeling but also bad because it can create more pain than it was at the first place. Yesterday it was more of the latter. Way more. From both sides. It always takes two to create a fight and hence yesterday was both faults. We both reacted out of emotions. When we are at that state we should rather ‘connect off’ and come back to this (Relationship) when we are more emotionally stable to talk about the issue rather than just pointing fingers.

Another thing that makes this part of a relationship between me and Cypress is that we are in a long-distance relationship. I live in Norway and she in the US. With 6h time difference communication can be easily broken and unstable. Much of the fighting goes over texts too which makes it hard to really see how the other person are. Yes, we have come a long way in this relationship – and I am proud of both of our progress, but we still have a way to go.

So, as I mention at the start – the knife got slowly relased. Thank God for that. We were texting & talking on Skype this morning, before I went into work to square up. She came to me with regrets that I could see all over her beautiful face. I accepted her apology and we are moving forward, together.

Next weekend I am flying to the US to see her. It will be lovely to see her again. I miss her so even when we are fighting. JED.

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